


Sparrow Blue

by TheDollyParks



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, aot
Genre: Boxing, Cadet OC, F/M, Titans, survey corps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:19:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8189653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDollyParks/pseuds/TheDollyParks
Summary: Lilith Romanov is one of wall Maria's many citizens.Sharp - tongued, witty and cynical, Lilith goes from being one of Maria's late night entertainers to Survey Crops cadet.





	1. Chapter 1

Seamus Walsh keeps his head down and his hands in his pockets on the path to O’Keeley’s pub.

Silently, he passes civilians of Sina’s almost red light district streets. His signature cabbie cap blocking the majority of his face for anybody walking by or staring him down with the suspicious look ever new comer receives.

The cobblestone is wet and his shoes hit the flooring in an almost ricochet pattern, the echo vibrating off the brick structures and eventually fading out the closer he gets to the store lit centre of town. 

Approaching the hard oak wood door, his hand pushes, light breaking through, and spilling onto the streets with the voices of men and women alike; indulging in conversation, and ale. Obvious signs of drink and time have passed as slurred words and heavy eyelids adorn the customers. 

Seamus heads to the bar. Forearms propping him up on the long wooden counter as he waits for the bartender to approach him. He pulls his hat from his head, he runs a hand through his hair and looks up to Patrick; bartender and long time friend. But ignores friendly tradition, instead following the strict procedure; keep it short, you’re strangers.

“What can I get you?” Patrick asks. Wiping a new glass for the next order.

Seamus takes a breath and gives his hand a shake to reject the question. “I’d like to rent the attic room”

“Ah, unfortunately we don’t have one in the attic, but there’s one in the back”

Moderately, he moves from behind the counter and waves him over “this way” he prompts, leading Seamus to the back cellar. The two are cautious, no matter the fact that everyone in the pub is completely incoherent. 

It’s to be the second meeting that Seamus has been to. Knit-tight gatherings for the new socialist reform party. The new movement. 

Seamus makes his way down the cellar ladder, Patrick waiting until the moment his feet touch the ground to close the hatch. And it closes with a small creak, the sound of the rug being placed over hatch, and the barrel over the rug. 

Seamus makes his way over to the crowd of people. All quite young, and poor.   
The room is a little crowded, with people surrounding a wooden platform; mostly men, and a few women talking amongst themselves.

Little time passes before the event finally begins.  
The same 5 men step out onto the ‘stage’. One of them, Derek Falk, comes forward to speak.   
“Let’s get things started, huh? No one’s here for tea and biscuits” he begins. Voices of agreement and jeering respond to Derek’s straightforward approach. He likes that, it's got something to it, maybe he’ll use it next time. 

“We’ve got some problems, in this space here between the walls that are supposed to keep us oh so safe” he chuckles. “Look how well they’re doing”, he pauses. “We’ve got problems, and there’s only one cause and one solution. King Fritz and getting rid of King Fritz” 

Derek looks to the crowd, nods of approval and faces of curiosity are held within. 

“We’re poor, we’re hungry, and when the shit hits the fan. When it really hits the fan, who’s gonna be the first to go? Who’s gonna be the first to die? Who’s going to be outside in the streets left to die when the wall breaks again? And who’s going to be safe within the heart of every wall? Think about it for a minute.” 

He waits but only briefly. 

“It’s going to be you and me, and then it’s not going to be you, and it’s not going to be me. Every and any aristocrat you can think of is going to cower behind the walls they especially built for themselves, nevermind that, the walls we built. And I can tell you right now they only time we will ever cross their minds is when they need another servant, or when they need more cooks.”

-  
Alfred grabs a pair of blue boxing gloves from a hook on the change room walls. “Hurry it up guys, the first game is about to start” 

“Come on get your asses out of here!”

“Calm down big man” 

The voice comes from Alfred’s right, and is followed by a low chuckle. Look down at the sitting figure he eyes the swift hand wrapping. The more than standard tight wrapping along the forearm to the slender fingertips.

“I mean it you spoiled little impudent brat”

“Yeah, yeah I know, cheer for me out there will you?” 

He scoffs in response “Over my dead body. Now stop wasting my time get your stupid ass out of here” 

Another chuckle. “Alright, alright”

-

“Military Police, you’re under arrest, stay where you are!” cries a voice from the cellar hatch. 

Seamus’ heart drops to the pit of his stomach. His face flushes a deadly white, and he feels the blood drain from his lips, and a sweat begin to break out. 

For a moment everyone stands frozen; the voice had come out of nowhere. There were no footsteps, not a sound - nothing. The first officer drops, a loud thud echoes from the weight of his mass onto the concrete floor. “For treason against King Fritz himself, and the cooperation of socialist scum you are all under arrest and to be charged” the officer states, his squad dropping behind him. 

Derrick Falk is the first to move. Grabbing a top barrel of ale and pushing it to the floor, causing the crowd to break into panic. 

Seamus Walsh is the first to be grabbed by an officer. He watches as the spokesmen follow Derrick. They jump from the stage and push through the crowd, heading to the back. ‘Where are they going?’ he wonders briefly, before he is pulled back and slammed onto a wooden table. Cold metal securing the two of his hands together. 

-  
“And again” Albert says, rolling his eyes and letting an elongated sigh out “Sparrow is our winner!”

Cries of amusement and approval fill the small, rundown stadium. Chatter and the exchange of money replace the cries of demands and encouragement. Whiskey and cigarettes adorn the hands of the audience.

The fight stops, money is owed and soon after people file out.

“Nice one -hopefully you’ll lose the next one” Alfred calls to the showers, his back against the tile siding. Feet crossed, avoiding the water flowing to the rusty drain.

“Yeah, you keep praying”

“Every night” 

The faucet turns off, a sigh of refreshment trails outwards to Alfred. “You were always right, cold showers really are the best” 

“Took you five years” 

Lilith’s hand grips Alfred’s shoulder. “What are you always so damn sour about?” she asks, smile praising her delicate face. Alfred ‘humphs’ “Why don’t you take a guess?”. Her face scrunches into playful confusion, her index finger touches her bottom lip “I can’t seem to conjure even a thought, old age maybe?”

“You goddamn fuc-”

“Sir!” Roman, a young front desk boy rushes into the room. Cap covering his eyes. “S-sir, it’s urgent y-you need to, you need to” 

“Spit it out already”

His eye pops out from cover, praying that Lilith isn’t still isn’t in the shower. She’s not thankfully.   
“There’s some people here for you”. Alfred groans and rubs his neck “What are they stupid? The match is over tell them to come back tomorrow” 

“No can do sir” 

Lilith’s eyes almost bulge out of her head. A small snort escapes her, and she smacks a hand over her mouth. “Why you little..” “Alright, alright. Let’s go take a look, maybe it’s some serious cash”

“No I don’t think it-”

Lilith smiles at Roman. “Thanks kid, try not to get killed when I’m not around”

Alfred approaches the door to his office. Inhaling largely and puffing his chest out, no body comes to see him so late at night, definitely not after a match. Lilith’s hand hits his back - urging him to hurry up and open the door. He does and upon so stops dead in his tracks. Lilith can’t see past his height or built width. “Djel? What in the hell do you want?” he asks. Finally stepping to the side and pulling out a cigarette.

“Alfred, it’s good to see you” 

His response is met with a grunt as Alfred places the stick between his teeth. Zippo lighter clicking as he uncaps it. Lilith stands in the doorway, leaning on the right of the frame

“Lilith Taisa Romanov” 

Alfred flicks the flint wheel. 

“You’re under arrest”

And doesn’t get to taking a drag.


	2. Substantial Evidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coarse language for those of whom it concerns.
> 
> I started this fanfic sort of on a whim but I'm feeling it and definitely think this'll be something I enjoy enough to carry on, especially with a weekly schedule or something like that. A little ironic seeing as how I posted this one a few days later than I told myself I would but at least I got it done right?
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading, hope you enjoy and please leave a comment on what you like or what I should improve on.

"What?"

Lilith asks, as she cuts her chuckle short. Hoping for someone to say something. Alfred looks at her, puts his lighter down and looks at Djes. Taking the cigarette from his mouth, the action makes a small pop from the pull.

"What'd she do?"

"What, Alfred are you serious!?"

"Shut it Romanov, I told you I wasn't going to put up with this sort of shit" He crosses his arms, and asks again "What did she do?"

"Alfred listen to me! I'm telling you I didn't do anything"

Djel coughs. "It's touching to know that you care for one another, really it is. But Lilith Romanov you're under arrest for conspiring against his majesty King Fritz, for affiliation with socialist parties and collaboration with Casper Müller"

Alfred’s head snaps to Lilith and points his finger in her face, "I thought you were done with that son of a bitch."

Rage surging through him he holds back the urge to punch a hole in his desk.

"I am!" she looks quickly to Djel "This is bullshit, I haven't seen him in months!"

Djel sighs and signals for his men to grab her. "Seriously this is bullshit! Alfred I'm dead serious I haven't done anything!"

"Are you fucking lying to me Lilith?"

"No! Never!" He runs his hands through his slick brown hair and sits back down on the desk, "Fuck alright".

As the officers begin to escort Lilith outside Alfred catches up and walks beside her as best as he can. Putting his hand on her back he keeps close to her. "This is what you're going to do. Listen to me clear as day alright? When you get there, shut up, I know that's a little hard for you to do but it's gonna save your ass and don't talk to any of the pigs in there alright? I don't care if you think you can take them on or not you get it in with one of them you get it in with all of them, do you understand me?"

  
She nods, and he stops walking as they push her into the back of a wooden carriage with only a small opening for her to see him through.

"I'll come by tomorrow but I can't guarantee anything! Hold it out!"

  
The reigns of the horse snap to set forward and the carriage suddenly pulls into motion.

"And for Christ's sake don't drink the fucking water!"

-

The cell block is grimy and has a stale smell. The walls hold moisture from the humidity and torches barely light every corner of the cell block. Hands fastened behind her back, Lilith's arms begin to cramp.  
"Hurry up."

One of the guards tells her, with a guttural voice, as if though he's trying to intimidate her.

"Hurry up." her voice mimics - albeit quietly.

"What was that?" he asks grabbing her arm tighter, shaking her in intimidation. Lilith follows as she's being led from her cell to the courtroom. "Ah ah! Watch it, I'm a lady you know!" he snorts "Besides, I didn't say anything, maybe it's the walls." she playfully shivers "This place gives me the creeps no wonder you're hearing things, might want to get that checked out." Shoes clacking amongst the cobblestone, the newly conditioned stone flooring clears the way to the courtroom.

It's been two days, the damp cell was an absolute nightmare. No bed, not even a cot, water constantly dripping from the ceiling and the constant snoring, she was sure she was going to catch hay fever. The man turns Lilith to face him and sits her on a wooden bench outside of the courtroom doors.

"Your trial starts in five minutes, so I suggest you think of your best way to plead yourself out of this one." He reaches for her arms and uncuffs her hands. "You'll be called out when they're ready for you." She smiles in response and the officer glares at her before walking away.

Of all people to be arrested for shit like this had it to be her. Lilith sighs and slouches on the bench. It's been months for crying out loud, months since she last saw Casper. There's no way she'd see him again. She promised herself that, and most of all she promised Alfred. There was no more drinking, there was no more partying, there was no more nothing other than work, boxing and cleaning up after a long day. Eleven months ago, maybe she could understand the situation more, fifteen months ago she probably deserved it but of all times now? For what? There's no way she was involved with anything or anyone in going against the king. Hearing her voice being called Lilith approaches the large wooden door.

Small hand placed on the design she pushes it forward and steps into the harsh light. Eyes remaining constant she drags a harsh breath in and moves to the center of the courtroom. It's fairly large with citizens and nobles of the like sitting down and talking amongst one another. Darius Zackly approaches his desk and waits for silence to set in before sitting down.

'The military police is here too? What the fuck is going on....' she thinks.

Darius Zackly adjusts his glasses, and clears his throat after a few moments of rummaging through papers.

"Lilith Romanov, you are here today under suspicion of acts against the King and involvement with not only wanted man Casper Müller but the New Socialist Regime. What do you have to say in response?" he asks, his eyes narrowing in on her figure.

Momentarily her eyes sweep the room in search of Alfred, but she doesn't see him.

Straightening her posture she speaks clearly, "All of it is false, sir."

The crowd snickers and talks amongst the crowd quietly occurs in reaction. Darius' eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Oh really?"

"Yes your honor"

"On the eighth of August, two nights ago, where were you?"

"Vera's Orchid"

His eyebrow raises again "Odd name for a boxing club, don't you think?"

"Not at all sir"

"Alright... Casper Müller, you know him?"

"I do"

"And how do you know him?"

"He and I were...friends"

"Just friends?"

"Well there was a period of time where..."

"So more than friends?"

"For a period of time.. yes"

"Is it sufficient to say you know a lot about Mr.Müller?"

"I suppose, yes”

“Like what?”

Lilith's eyebrows knit together, now that she thinks about it she does know a lot about Casper. The things he likes, his favorite food, his schedule but she doesn’t per say know anything about Casper. She had assumed his parents were dead or left him; it was just something that was never brought up. He never seemed to hold any prejudice towards the King f… and she sure as hell didn’t hear anything about some socialist party. Politics wasn’t her strong suit.

“He’s born January 4th… Works, ahem, worked at the geophysical observatory as a repair technician…”

From the crowd to Lilith’s right Djel Sannes calls out amongst the people surrounding him, he pushes his way forward and grips the wood on the small fence dividing them.

“Your honour this is basic information the military police has already given she’s obviously hiding things about him!”

“Ms. Romanov I meant personally” Darius leans forward against his desk and takes his glasses off. Offering a small smile to encourage Lilith he sets them down and waits for her to answer.

“I-I don’t know”

The crowd snickers and Darius’ smile flat lines. “How long have you known Mr.Müller?” “A few years, two maybe” she shrugs. “And you’re saying you don’t know a single thing about him other than his birthday and his favorite food?”

“There wasn’t ever a reason for it to be brought up sir, Caper- Mr.Muller isn’t too keen on letting the entire world know about his life. Especially his personal life”

“Your honour it’s obvious this woman needs to be incarcerated for concealing information she obviously has! There’s no way she’s not involved”. Djel speaks out once again. Darius rubs his temples with a hand and sighs.

“Mr.Sannes is there any evidence you have that points to Ms.Romanov being directly linked to Mr.Muller and his organization within the past year or even half a year?” Djel subtly stumbles back from the question and stays quiet for a moment.

“Well no but-”

“And is there any testimony that Ms.Romanov was present at any of organization’s secret conferences by witnesses?”

“No but that’s not-”

“It’s not important?”

“That is correct your honour. We have enough evidence that suggests Lilith still has ties with Casper Muller and although she’s had no physical appearance to suggest she’s a part of the organization there’s enough to insinuate that she has influence and a place within it”

“What do you think about that Ms. Romanov?”

Lilith stands still for a few moments. Her fists clench and her nails stab the palms of both of her hands. Containing as much as she can her jaw tightens and she inhales deeply.

“I think it’s bullshit”

The crowd erupts into chatter and Darius hits the gavel against his desk. "There’s proof in the documentation right there for you sir!” Djel calls out over the rising voices. Darius looks over the documents once again and sighs.

“As a once close friend of Alfred Weber I can certainly say he knows how to straighten a kid out, isn’t that right, Lilith?”

“Absolutely”

“In this case Mr.Sannes has a point, although there is no substantial evidence to prove that you are without a doubt linked to Casper Müller and his socialist group there is the slightest trim of evidence to suggest that you could be somewhat involved. So here’s what I’m going to do”

Darius lowers his papers and glasses and speaks loudly.

“ Lilith Romanov you will be exempt from incarceration for the time being until either you are cleared of all suspicion or Casper Müller is detained and there is no further evidence of your cooperation. Starting the twelfth of August you will join the Survey Corps as a new cadet, after regular training and serve a time of anywhere between nine to twelve months” Turning to Lilith’s left Darius looks into the crowd and smiles “Is that alright with you Commander Erwin?"

“Perfectly fine”

Lilith’s ears ring for a moment and a deafness fills the room. Turning around she quickly scans for Alfred and finds him sitting down. Complete and utter disbelief glued to his face. Slowly she moves forward towards him and he gets up to meet her at the wooden fence. “Alfred” she croaks as she calls out. He doesn’t reply but waits for her to reach him. Moving faster as the sound fades out the voices and talk of controversy fill the room along with the sound of the wooden doors opening with boots hitting the floor. “Alfred” she croaks out once again. Reaching out for her Alfred pulls her close and feels her chest shutter as she lets out a heavy breath of air. "It's gonna be fine"


	3. A Wink of Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had terrible writers block this week so this is all I could manage to scrape by with. Hopefully things are different this week. Maybe I'll post another chapter due to last week's missed one. O well, enjoy. :)

Close your eyes and imagine the street just outside your door. Perhaps you live in a busy city that's loud and up at the crack of dawn, people fill the shops to the brim and sound consumes every corner. It's possible you live near mounds of vibrant green trees that accompany luscious flowers, grass and shrubs that push through your neighbour's fence, and maybe you live far out, surrounded by wide land and fresh air with a small creek where fireflies and mosquitoes like to make their homes. And maybe you don't.

There was a time when Lilith wasn't able to get even an eye's wink of sleep without thinking about what lay beyond the walls.

In one of her years of later schooling there was a rumour going around about what may have been outside. One of the many kids' father was a high ranking officer in the military police. Supposedly, during a raid on a home one night they thin, torn chapter book on the landscape found and the father had managed to read a page or two. Lilith never learned about what was read but she made her own stories and journeys right in the comfort of her bed and in just as great of detail as the book.

She imagined it looked similar to what was in the walls, but completely different in its own way. It didn't have the same smell, she knew that for a fact. It always smelled like manure, baked goods, food from homes and stores and smoke from the regular chimney in every home. It was silent. Silent, with the exception of the wind blowing through the waving of trees, the odd buzz of summer cicadas and the flow of water downstream.

It's a place where anyone can finally get away from the constant sound of movement, early working, obnoxious children, street vendors and bickering amongst citizens. And it was beautiful. The tallest of trees, greenest of grass and loveliest of soothing orchids. Tall grass growing amongst the small ocean that is a river or a stream with wild flowers and soft rays of sun. Constant thought and desire to explore past the walls is a phase every child goes through.

To be boarded up with the same generations of people, the same towns, the same buildings, and well, the same everything that would never change, it was expected.

But at what point does that sense of longing die out? When the dream is given up on? When truth settles in and hope dies out? Perhaps it's just acceptance. It didn't take Lilith long to accept that she - or maybe even all of humanity, would never be able to leave the walls and enjoy the virgin land.

Walking home from school, coming back from a friend's or buying a needed loaf of bread - these were the times when the scout regiment would return. And with them failure. Lilith hadn't ever heard a single praise about the regiment. "Those lowly bastards taking our hard earned tax money! and for what? What good does it do them?", "Waste of time is what it is, those men could be farming the land, harvesting crops; those women could be teaching our kids, baking our bread. Bunch of suicidal dumbasses”.

To think that her dreams would either be confirmed or disproven. And to think she would now be one of the same people everyone she knew complained about. It never would've crossed her mind, but here she is about to be. A month of omni-directional maneuvering gear training and then survey corps for her.

Lying in bed Lilith lets out a sigh. Hands above her head she covers her eyes and lays still.

It's the last time she'll spend lying down on the worn mattress. She wonders if it's a good thing. Creaks with every minor movement, rose pink, silky sheets that warm in an instant, and the puffy white pillows that hold all the freshness of each wash. She looks around her room and thinks about whether she'll miss it or not.

The sturdy hardwood floor, oak desk that always moaned when she placed her weight on it, and the polished mahogany shelf lined with classics, novels, biology and physics books.

Her lonely and half played chess set.

And her small closet that was as tight and dark as the inside of a pipe.

To think that she was finally going to venture past the cold grey walls, those walls that pushed the early morning behind and brought short-lived evenings with its tall stature. To think that it was now, after those cloud riding dreams and colourful vision had faded away into an undiscovered reality would - for the first time in eternity, see a sliver of light.

But she was disinterested and scared. The men and women who never returned; did it hurt? It must have. Lilith never really thought about titans. Why would she? She was safe and comfortable and that was enough for her. But those giant hands, those massive teeth and monstrous eyes that she can only imagine.

Yeah, it’s gotta hurt.

Even if there is no physical torture; no burning of the legs from running, no phantom pain, or torment of being ripped in half within milliseconds. There’s pain, and it’s just as bad, maybe even worse. Pain you have to live with. Desolation from lost friends, bleakness from every failure, despondency from the fall of people around you.

How would someone who had been through all of that turn out in the end?

Who knows?

One thing for sure, Lilith didn’t want to find out.


	4. So Close

It had been about nine and a half months now, and Lilith seemed to settle into the boredom coming with training quite easily, though it was much to the surprise of her and those around her. 

Training really wasn’t like anything she thought it would be. Longer hours than she would have expected, food worse than anticipated and trainees tougher than imagined. There’s something that not everyone really thinks about, but if you really do then one must realize that everyone has their own reasons. Specific reasons, vague reasons and perhaps selfish reasons as to why they would want to become a cadet. 

There was Kyle Hannof who said he’d wanted to join the Garrison; drink all day and keep the walls safe. Dina Mimieux for the military police; honour and safety. And anybody crazy enough to want to join the Scouts kept it shut, or it meant ridicule and looks of disapproval. Sure there were a few, Maxon Pederson, Leni Riefenstahl, Colby Mount and of course Lilith herself but they all kept it quiet, had a few talks between themselves and the odd others they knew. 

It was the same rhetoric from the people working inside the walls. The same strew of complaints picked off from one another. The lack of success, the wasting of tax money and time, the numerous amount of wasted lives. That’s all the scout regiment was to these people, to everyone, to the world! And maybe they were right. It’s not like Lilith cared, tried to help or even attempted to change her mind about it. It just was what it was. Something she didn’t need to stick her nose into. And if people wanted to risk their lives for the collective good of everyone within the walls then hell why not, as long as she didn’t have anything to do with it, people could do what they wanted.

At least that’s how she thought it was going to last. 

Coming to the training camp was exactly like and yet at the same time nothing like what Lilith thought it was going to be. It was tough - the labour, the training and the studying, it was a lot to take in after a long time but after a while it was like intense boy scouts. If you participated well and tried your best to impress others - though didn’t make it seem that way, you would survive.

But for others it didn’t work so well that way. Lilith really couldn’t understand why some people had decided to join. Some were frail - and not just physically. Lauren Tart, after only an hour and a half of exercise and getting yelled at by Shadis for being “a shrill little worm amongst a pack of crows” cried for nearly twenty minutes straight and went right to bed without dinner the same night.

How could she expect to stay alive when she couldn’t even hold her feelings? 

It was a mystery to Lilith.

Drumming her fingers on the wooden tables of the mess hall she eyed her ever so boring and tasteless food. Potatoes, leek soup and a small loaf of bread. The camp grounds were fairly large and pretty much what one would expect when looking at the layout of any sort of training ground. 3DMG training areas, trainee barracks, head instructor barracks, lecture halls, horse stables and of course the mess hall. Which, was undoubtedly, Lilith’s favourite place to be. It was warm and almost reminded her of a particular bar she and Albert would go to occasionally. Cozy, and filled with the voices of many others it was the only place one could really relax; not only from the glaring eyes of instructor Keith Shadis but the stripping labour. People got along well in the mess hall, and jokes were thrown about without a sense of care. It was an area where everyone could finally say what was on their mind, and for a time in the day say anything at all. But even then it could also be a place one could become trapped in. 

“You know” began Kyle all while poking his potato, “I still don’t understand why they don’t just get some big genius to inject a bunch of stuff into these things and make them taste less,” He poked at it again, “dull” 

With a look of disinterested disbelief, yet little shock, Lilith raised her head to eye Kyle and placed her head on her hand, resting upon the table. Smiling she pandered to his idea, somewhat intrigued by the thought. “And so what would they taste like?”

Half way through a bite of the potato Kyle froze and thought about it for a moment, “Well,” he began, “They could make it sweeter,” continuing with chewing he paused for a moment, “Or, oh I know! They could give it some flavour, you know? Like pork flavoured potatoes, or cheese”

Maxon, a handsome and tall boy whose charisma and charm concerned Lilith, scooted closer to her in order to listen in on the conversation better. 

“But you know they’ve already done that, right?” he asks, hoping the conversation will lead him to something more. 

Kyle’s good natured smile falls a little, his mouth slightly open enough for everyone to see the chewed portions of his food packed between his right cheek and his teeth.

“Whab do you mehn?” 

Maxon points at Lilith’s food and looks up at Kyle, showing no break in his serious facade. “They’ve already added flavouring to the food, you don’t know what they’re doing down at the farms?”

Quickly and not in the most reserved of ways, Kyle hurriedly chews and swallows the food, the roof of his mouth creating a loud smacking noise against his tongue as he opens his mouth, “What are you talking about?” 

Maxon shakes his head and sighs. 

“You know what I mean, right guys?” he asks, looking up and down the long dining table. Smirking, the rest of the trainees begin to nod their heads in agreement and aloud.

“They’re growing so much food throughout wall Rose that all the soil’s losing all of its richness, it’s like dried dirt now, so all the food’s losing its taste. They got some big shot from wall Sina to create this thing they put in the water when it’s time to water the crops, helps ‘em grow twice the size they would be without it and makes it taste like real food - well as real at they can get it to.” Maxon squints and smiles ever so slightly, “you really didn’t know about it?”

Kyle slowly shakes his head and Maxon shrugs in response. 

“Oh well,” he nudges Lilith with his shoulder playfully, “isn’t it true?”

Placing her cup down, Lilith shrugs and looks down at her food, “I wouldn’t know”

With a smile and a slow nod of the head Maxon watches as the rest of the trainees spin their heads to her, looks of confusion and shock span to even far corners of the mess hall. Even poor Kyle displays a look of immense confusion. 

“So then you were transferred from another division, right?” asks someone, a girl.

Lilith shakes her head and the silence is broken as whispers ripple across the room. Some eye her strangely, others look on as if though they know she’s lying, she has to be lying, right?

Maxon rests his hand on his fist, shifting his body in Lilith’s direction. “Well isn’t this a surprise,” he pauses, smiles and then shifts into a normal position, “so then, how did you end up here?”

Lilith knows he’s playing a game with her, he’s half solved it out. Lilith turns to look at Maxon, not a hint of amusement can be found. She says nothing, doesn’t smile, doesn’t react. Locked eyes, a few blinks and a smug smirk.

“I’ll bet you did something naughty”

Nothing. 

“Very, very naughty. Isn’t that right?”

 

“With things ending up like this, I should have at least gotten the chance to,” Lilith says, breaking the silence and Maxon’s smug look, drinking from her cup.

“So then you did or you didn’t do something?” Kyle asks, his voice quieting with each word, “I’m confused.”

“Ah well,” Maxon sighs lightly, “I’m sure if it was something really bad then you would have gone to jail or something, which means we have nothing to worry about, isn’t that right, guys?”

The trainees agree hesitantly amongst themselves, all still very wary about Lilith. Slowly they resume back to their normal conversations, a few sitting 3 tables to the left of Lilith begin to share their ideas of what Lilith did, and Maxon, content with another scenario he has just stirred up, has preoccupied himself with another conversation. Lilith sits silent, slowly eating her meal while Kyle, Dina, Colby and Lena sit quietly, each waiting for another to break the silence. 

“So what, you’re just not going to tell us?” Dina asks, her voice being the one to perk up after a few minutes.

Lilith shakes her head and looks up at the group, “there’s nothing to tell, I didn’t do anything, they’re just keeping me here until this shit smoothes over.”

“And who exactly is ‘they’?”

“Zackly, those damn bastards - the MPs, who ever else was there in the court wasting their time, that god damn commander”

“Commander? As in Commander Smith?”

“Don’t know his name, don’t care”

“So you never planned to come here in the first place, did you?” Kyle asks, still chewing on whatever he’s decided to stuff his face with this time.

“No, never”

Over the table and dirty dishes filled with scraps of food, Lilith can see Leni’s face turn to disgust as she straightens her posture and puts down her cup. “So you mean to say that even though you’re a completely capable citizen, even though you’ve been stuck inside those walls this entire time, even though the Survey Corps and even the Garrison have needed troops, you were just sitting on your ass doing nothing until you got caught for,” she breaks her sentence with a staggered and unamused laugh, “doing nothing?”

“Yeah, that’s right”

“You should be here, nevermind it being ‘unfair’ or ‘unjust’, they did the right thing”

“Did the right thing!?” Lilith almost screams.

The mess hall turning completely silent, Maxon, sitting silent and amused, not only at the confrontation but at the matter of the fact being that he didn’t even need to say a word for it to happen.

“The right thing would be to allow whatever suicidal asshole wants to do this to do it at their own will! This is your dream, isn’t it?” Lilith asks Leni, standing up, leaning over the table and getting in her face.

“Isn’t it!?”

Leni only stares back at Lilith, there’s no need to answer, everyone already knows.

“So what the fuck does that have anything to do with me? I don’t care about what’s outside those walls, I stopped caring a long time ago, because you know what? Even if every capable human being joined the Survey Corps it would never be enough to kill whatever the fuck is out there! Because if it was, it would have been done by now! You may hate those walls with every core and fibre of your being but they are the only thing that is protecting what is left of humanity, and if you wanna go out there, do it, that’s up to you, that should be up to you, but you’re only asking to get closer to your death. And I have dreams of my own - a dream, and I’m so close, so fucking close! But I’m probably going to die before I get it.”

Silent and bewildered the trainees watch Lilith. Watch her sit back down, drink the last of her water, slam it into the chipped and worn wood of the table, get up and leave.


	5. Life On The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow, can't believe it's been this long since I started fanfiction and broke away from it
> 
> maybe that will change soon

It took Lilith years to figure out what the sound was. 

Where it came from.

What  _exactly_ made the sound. 

When she was younger she thought it was just a chirp from the heat of the sun. A sound that always popped up when it was so hot that she couldn't do anything but lie down and fan herself, race the melting of her popsicle. If she closed her eyes and just tried to imagine it, she swore she could feel her throat start to dry up, her neck start to sweat a little. 

" _Cicadas"_

_huh?_

_"The sound, it's from the Cicadas"_

She wasn't imagining it though. Her throat was dry and she was starting to sweat. But there were no Cicadas.

"I am Eriwn Smith"

The Commander's voice pushes Lilith out of her daydreaming. It's hot, and there's nothing more Lilith would like to do than to lay down and eat something cold, but she can't, she doubts there will be anytime in the near future where she can do anything like that ever again. 

"Today you will choose a branch of the military. I'm here to persuade you to join the Survey Corps."

"I'll be blunt with you all, I'll tell you exactly what joining us means, and what it's like." The Commander takes a breath. His posture so tightly held Lilith almost swears he isn't even breathing. 

"If you decide to join us, I won't lie, it won't be enjoyable. If that's what you're looking for -" he pauses, "An enjoyable life, a life where you imagine you're growing to grow old with everyone you love and know, with the people you're standing beside at this very moment," Lilith snickers, she can't help it, but she has to. "If you're looking for an easy ride through the military, then I suggest leave now, you're not what we're looking for." 

There's a wave of whispers and insulted looks that sweep over the crowd. A large group of the Cadets begins to move out of the way, back to the training cabins. Lilith recognizes a few people, people who had already chosen or knew what regiment they wanted to go into. Clearly, the Scouting regiment wasn't in their best tastes. Lilith looks around, Dina and Kyle turn around, giving a tight - almost obligatory smile to the group of people Lilith sits with during meals. Leni, Colby and Maxon don't strafe from their spots. In fact, they seem to be completely absorbed in the Commander and his words. 

"Any of you willing to sacrifice your lives, remain here. Ask yourselves: Are you willing to offer your life for humanity!?," Once again, he pauses. Scans the room and watches as unsure cadets flinch, look at one another and slowly, slowly but without hesitation begin to make their ways back to the cabins. Back to rethinking what they thought they would find in the scouting regiment, back to the Garrison. A man approaches the Commander, says something, but neither of them moves, and the Commander certainly doesn't break his stance, his eye contact, and his mood never changes. 

There are only a few Cadets left. A few of them surprise Lilith by being there in the first place, she doesn't think they'll make it. But that isn't any of her business. 

30\. She counts about 30 people in total, and compared to the number of Cadets in total, it seems a little pathetic. In fact, this entire thing seems to be completely pathetic. She doesn't belong here, she didn't do anything, she has so much more she wants, so much more she needs. 

Her eyes lock onto the Commander's cold yet blazing blue hues, the reflection of the fire displayed perfectly for her inside them. 

Commander Erwin looks across the remaining Cadets and sees Lilith. Their eyes lock together, still, his face doesn't fault for even a second. 

"Are you willing to die if you're ordered to?" He asks, but to Lilith, he's asking her directly. Almost taunting her. She's not willing, she's being forced. 

No one says a word, each Cadet is silent, yet their answer is as loud as anything. Yes. 

"Then I welcome all of you to the Survey Corps! This is a true salute!"

He places his right fist over his heart, his left arm behind his back. Every one of the other cadets does the same, but Lilith stands there. She won't do it. Not ever, not to anyone. She didn't ask for this. Won't ever ask for this. Boxing, that's her life. That's where she was born and that's where she'll always be. Where she'll die and where she'll be buried. No one could ever expect anything else from her. 

"Offer up your hearts!" Another pause, "You've done well to endure your fear. You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect."

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
